Words cannot begin to describe the pain that you feel after the death of a loved one.

The grief of a life following suicide is even more devastating, more heart wrenching and utterly ambivalent than any other form of grief. It is a loss that is accompanied by judgement and blame. People you thought cared about you show their true colours; some have unfailing support and others throw you in the ditch. Suicide bereavement is accompanied by never ending unanswered questions to a mystery that can never be solved.

Attending the support group allowed me to share my pain and loss in an open and non-judgemental room. Each week we could talk about the good days and bad days we had experienced. We shared photos or stories or things that helped us get through that week.

Having a room full of people who understand what this loss feels like and how hard it is to wake up each day and face the tormenting reality brings some calmness. It cannot undo the past, but it brought me some hope. It normalised the grief and as we entered our grief at varying stages, I was able to reflect on other journeys and what might help me get through.

Suicide causes disconnection with others and through the support group we can reconnect and walk through the grief together. I know that there will be decades ahead of me that I will have to live without my husband, and many milestones in our daughter’s life that he will miss. But with the support from fellow survivors, we will all find a way to live with this pain.

Vicky